A Healthy Balance

Is it too much for a girl to ask for a healthy balance in an man? What I am finding is that some men in NYC seem to feel the need to overcompensate. And to be honest, its disheartening, a little nauseating, and in most cases, totally unnecessary!

The case of Big Kev...

My friend and I were watching the Jets demise for the season, sitting at the bar next to these nice guys, having fun at other people's expense and making sure there were never empty drinks. As the game ended, with Jets fans in tears, Big Kev put his business card on the table, sharing his hopes that we could all hang out again. Letting my friend run point, she emailed him, setting up a hang out for the following weekend, where he shared that he would be bringing friends and it would be a good time. This was perfect as neither of us found Big Kev all that enticing in the date department, but had some fun and found him entertaining; we could all be friends!?!

Well this has now been shot to shit...

Text messages were passed on the night we were to meet up. My friend and I were bailing, letting the cold weather and hang overs from the night before get the best of us. Big Kev texts my friend, who at this point just gives him my number, because he seems to be overly concerned about what my plans are. Looking for my own entertainment, I screw with him a little bit, not letting him in on the fact that I know its him texting. This is what I get...

Ur hot and I want to see you ;)

Molly, U wear those hot uggs and love to drink bloodys and u love life??? Take a guess

Molly u are the sexiest women I have ever seen and u have a smile that melts ice cream and me ;) U love bloody marys and enjoy talking with me ;)

My response: Gee Big Kev, didn't think u were that dramatic and cheesy! That stuff doesn't usually work on me.

I never heard back from him, hoping for his sake that there was a lot of alcohol involved in his entire texting episode. The point is, there is a lack of balance out there. Either the guy doesn't get in touch with you at all or goes in for the over kill. Do I have to keep dealing with these extremes? There has to be a better way...

Is it possible to get beyond the Internet when Internet Dating?

What I don't understand is how you can meet a guy through Internet dating, but have difficulty getting them off the computer and into real life. You have witty banter, make jokes, flirt, wink, whatever! The message ends, emails are exchanged, for what, more emails? What is so wrong with meeting face to face? I just don't understand!?!

There is the one guy I have been chatting with, cute, smart, claims he's 6'4 (so even if he is lying, he'll still be taller than most). He asks for my email and we've been chatting at work for the past few days. How are you? How's your day? Did you have a good weekend? I haven't even met this guy yet, but we chat everyday. Today he asks for more pictures of me. I try and avoid the creepy undertones of this request and let him know that we could always meet in person, no pictures needed, because we'd be seeing each other, in person, with drinks! No response, no acknowledgement whatsoever....

Another guy... we chatted, actually made it out for two dates, and now, nothing but emails. Every day I get numerous emails. One or two sentence emails. substituting for conversations and the all so important face time. It's been weeks of emails, with no discussion of meeting again, just more and more mindless emails.

Hey whats up and how are you today? Been a busy week so far for me

Hey there and how was the remainder of your weekend?

Went out for a bit to this place on Bleeker, was my friends bday so met up for a drink...

Where did u watch the games?

Yes, sleep is something I need right now

I am a girl who wants to move beyond the blueish light of the computer and into the bright lights of the city, with a man who isn't afraid to step away from the screen!

You Know You Can Do Better When...

There is alot a single girl has to through as she embarks on the adventures of dating. I am here to remind others, as well as myself, that we can do better. These scenarios are all real not imagined (unfortunately)

You know you can do better (or deserve better) when...

The guy you are dating steals condoms from you to bring back to his place because he is too cheap to buy his own.

You sit down to dinner and look at the wine list, your date, who just met you says, "umm, that's the wine menu" uh, yea, I know... "we'll get you into an AA meeting later I guess"

The guy you have been on two dates with is telling you via email that his Chipotle is disagreeing with his stomach.

He's insulting you to your face and thinks it demonstrates that he is being witty and charming.

He compares you to his mother and continue to share "just how much you and mom have in common."

He puts his Blackberry on the table and tells you just how important he is and how he needs to stay connected. "You don't mind, do you?"

The guy you are hooking up with steals your wallet (true story, happened to my friend!)

He always chooses his family over you.

As you hoist up to his bunk bed in Brooklyn (gasp!) you recognize that he has a solo cup filled with condoms waiting for you on the ladder. (My friend has good stories)

Before you sit down for dinner you are contemplating how many drinks its going to take to get through this.

You meet him for a first date and he has chosen a bottle of the finest white Zinfandel (Beringer's best) for the two of you to enjoy.

He tells you he can't meet up because he has an MRI at 9pm at night and then tells you he's out of town instead, despite the fact that you see him running the next morning in Central Park.

He wears pleated pants, gold toe socks, and tighty whities!

The State of Dating in the City...

Internet dating... a vapid wasteland of shit to put it quite bluntly. However, when it comes to New York City, the days are long and there isn't always time to wait for your knight in shining armor to come to you, so internet dating it is!

An excerpt into my two dates this week - Jewish Lawyer Number One and Jewish Lawyer Number Two...

Jewish Lawyer Number One... good breeding, good education, good pictures posted on his online dating profile. How could I have been duped so easily?!?! Reality check. 20 pounds heavier than his pictures and at least two inches shorter than he admitted (which isn't good for a girl as tall as me - especially when I am wearing heels!) He was dressed like a substitute teacher and changed the bar we were supposed to meet at because "it was too dark." Although I was somewhat entertained thanks to his story about a blind date with a midget and numerous glasses of wine, the date was less than spectacular. He spent a great amount of time talking of his desire for tattoos and the two motor cycles that he owns. What nice Jewish boy wants tattoos and has motorcycles? The other problem was I was starving! A granola bar is not a proper dinner! And to make matters worse, there was the most gorgeous leg of prosciutto behind his head, which apparently I was fixated on, because many a comment was made as to why I was looking at the pork product instead of him... Oops! Hours pass and the date comes to an end. We are down in So Ho, and I live all the way uptown. The lawyer however is from Jersey (gasp!!) and had driven to our date. As he asks how I am getting home, I contemplate between a cab and the subway. He generously offers to drive me home. I think about the polite response, knowing it is clearly out of his way but recognize that there is no way I should turn down a ride back to my apartment in the cold winter weather. He replies, "Really?" to which I respond, don't offer if you aren't willing to follow through. I leave the car knowing that the door is closed on lawyer number one, and preparation for lawyer number two begins...

Lawyer Number Two was a date that should have never happened. I wasn't all that jazzed by his profile, but figured, how bad could it be? Once again, how could I have been so stupid? His email to me was a novel, sharing the following...

"It sounds like we have a lot in common. Grew up on an island: check. Work with people who need to see a therapist: check. Sarcastic, smart, interesting, pretty funny and an aficionado of all things "good"? Check and check! :) Actually, I get the feeling that the potential is there for us to get along famously (check marks will be flying!)."

I should have known better, but am, if nothing else, a glutton for punishment. As I am waiting at the restaurant for the lawyer to arrive, I see a balding man (who is trying to pretend that it does not exist - so sad!) walking in... yes, this is my date. I contemplate an escape route and see that this would be impossible! I'm locked in. He chooses Japanese BBQ which was a positive choice - cooking the food at the table kept me more entertained than he could. He shared about his boring job in corporate finance and about his life on Long Island. He talked endlessly of his parents, who he hangs out with every weekend, likening their relationship to the Three Musketeers. Good times, really, total selling point! As the discussion starts to dwindle and there isn't enough wine in the world to make things better, I ask about his hobbies. Yes, I said the word hobbies. He talks about golf, and how much he enjoys it, following up with "don't worry, I'll teach you." Oh you will, huh...I don't think so. I couldn't run from the restaurant fast enough. Although he had high hopes to continue the evening with a walk to the subway, I ran to closest bus and bid him adieu, ending the string of bad lawyer dates for the week, thankfully!

As far as the state of dating goes, this week was not the best. After some careful thought, a little self pity (seriously? this is what my life has become?), many drinks, one chick flick, and a great night out, I'm ready for more. Two bad Jewish lawyers will not get me down. I've been through worse and can always do better!

Taxi Cab Confessions

So as I hop in a cab from JFK, my thoughts are focused solely on getting back to my apartment. However, the cab driver had something different in mind. The Taxi Cab Confessions...

"So miss, you are single yes? Can you tell me what it is that you look for in a man?" I am thinking to myself, is this for real? What makes people just want to talk to me about these things? However, I engage, interested to see where this is going. I scratch the surface, identifying that I am not all that sure what I am looking for, but can tell you what I am not looking for... He goes into a list, alerting me of the FIVE THINGS THAT I NEED IN A MAN.

1. He must not be more than 5 years older than me, and definitely not younger.

2. We must be best friends.

3. I must be put first, then family. The relationship that is built between you and your significant other is most important. (I whole heartedly agree with this!)

4. We must do the same things, think the same way, and make the same decisions.

5. We must be able to respect each other, no matter what. Believing in each other is very important.

In addition, my very chatty cabbie read my fortune, alerting me that I will move to the suburbs one day and raise all of my children, abandoning this life in New York City (Gasp!)

You never know when there might be some interesting advice out there for you, whether you listen to it is something else entirely. Just goes to show, everyone in this city is in love with love!

Is this what dating has come down to?

So I am not an expert dater by any means. After being in a relationship for 6 years, it was a hard thing to maneuver once again. But now I am realizing that dating when you are at a certain age, is a whole other beast. Is it safe to assume that there is no such thing as casual dating anymore? What is so wrong with just dating someone, instead of checking their genetics and sizing them up for the tuxedo as they walk down that very long aisle towards eternity. Some thoughts...

What I am finding is that as I am peering down the very short road towards thirty, men are looking for one of two things, a one night stand or wife. Is there no middle ground? Example...

I started dating this guy "Corky". We met at a bar, had a fun time, and started seeing each other regularly. He was interested in "the relationship", asking me to accompany him to a wedding after only seeing each other for a few months. He also asked to be exclusive, which would have been fine, if I didn't have an anxiety attack as soon as the words left his mouth. He was also very upset that he didn't get to meet my parents when they were in town. He is a few years older than me, but I thought the message was clear, its only been a few months, I enjoy your company and that is that. What more is there when you have only been dating five months?

Well, apparently, this is where I went wrong. There was a discussion of religion, mine being Jewish, and he was Protestant (maybe, to be honest I didn't pay much attention). I remember him asking me, "What are thoughts of dating someone who wasn't Jewish?" My response? "Why are we even talking about this right now?!?" Long story short, Corky broke it off with me after the holidays, stating that he knows that he wants children and religion is important to him, therefore this will never work out, so we should break up.

Thoughts.... why are we having this conversation at five months, can't we just keep having fun? Who said anything about children? Clearly we were on different pages, but it made me think, is that what I have to deal with?

Being thirty in the city, is it all about finding a mate? Maybe because I had such a long relationship before, with the ring and the wedding gown, that I am not in that space anymore. Is it so wrong to be looking for fun first instead of a husband? Unfortunately, I don't think many of the men in NYC can see beyond the extremes - marriage or one night stand. This demonstrates complete all or nothing thinking that frustrates me and leads to believe that each date I go on, I am being judged...could this girl be my wife? No? OK than, why waste any more time, unless she is useful to satisfy my need for a one night stand...

When did it get like this?

My way the even the playing field...

Carrie was dumped via a post it...

A good friend of mine was dumped via a letter given to her door man to give to her...

I decided it was time to even the playing field, and since I had the opportunity, I seized the day!

Jason Snugglebug is a special case. We met, had margaritas, he walked me home, it was the picture of a fairly decent date. The deal breaker came later that week when he decided to join me at a charity event. He was a perfect date, once again, catering to me and all my friends, making sure our drinks were never empty and holding conversations with all. His flaw - he was over complementary. I know how it sounds, "How terrible! A guy giving too many complements?!?" At one point in the night, there were nothing but complements coming out of his mouth. "Oh my God Molly, you look so beautiful." "Oh my God, those boots are incredible!" "Oh my God, I am so lucky to be here with you tonight." I appreciate all the good words, but there comes a point where there is too much of a good thing.

Wine got the best of me that night though, and after too many drinks for a work night, I decided that the party needed to continue (of course), going out for more drinks despite the fact that the party was most definitely over. Jason Snugglebug followed me, telling me how smitten he was... over and over again.

The details that led him up to my apartment are fuzzy . I do know I woke up the next morning, dreading that I had to go to work, and very hung over. Next to me, is one Jason Snugglebug...naked. I on the other hand, am fully clothed. I look over at Jason Snugglebug and say, "Wow...what kind of party did you have with yourself last night."

"Oh my God Molly, you should stay in bed with me all day, let's just snuggle, come on....call out of work, let's snuggle!"

I couldn't make this up if I tried. Seriously, there is nothing more nauseating than waking up to that, even without the hangover. After much work, I managed to get myself together and heading off to the subway, with Jason Snugglebug by my side, sharing how much he'll miss me as he was leaving town for a Caribbean vacation with his mother (seriously!).

He has continued to call and I have continued to dodge, feeling guilty for being so harsh. Until tonight, my opportunity to let him know (via text message)that "I am just not that into him."

"Hope things r going well. Been meaning to be in touch. Things r kind of stressful and I don't have extra time in my life right now for much. It was great to meet u and I wish u all the best!"

And that's how to even the playing field!

The cross, the college ring, and the nipple ring...

Now I am a fairly simple girl. I don't require much in they way of jewelry. The only jewelry I ever wore was my engagement ring, and we all know that didn't end well. Nevertheless, I am seemingly attracting myself to various men in the city who do enjoy their own jewelry.

For starters was "Bad Date Bobby". To keep my Jewish grandmothers rolling in their graves, "Bad Date Bobby" wore a cross. Like every good Christian boy from the Midwest, he went to Christian schools and goes to church on the weekend. The interesting thing about "Bad Date Bobby" and his cross was that when "Bad Date Bobby" was doing less than holy things, the cross came off. I had never see or heard such things, but it quickly became quite the story. And apparently, another friend of mine was with a boy who did the same! What makes these actions more holy with the cross off? Hmmmm. The most tragic part of this little story is that "Bad Date Bobby" left his cross at my apartment one fateful evening. This was the unfortunate beginning of the end for "Bad Date Bobby" and I. I had to call my friend and my sister, with great trepidation, "what am I supposed to do with this cross?" I didn't even want to touch if for fear that it would burn my hand or something! This did not please "Bad Date Bobby", leading him to choose the cross over me. It happens...

Next was "Corky". "Corky", another Midwestern boy, who had a passion for show tunes and greatly enjoyed his glimmering class ring! Seriously, I couldn't make this up. "Corky" had many unfortunate components, yet we continued to date for a few months (another story for another day). The class ring was something I never understood. He has been out of college for almost 10 years and he wore it everywhere! He also left his jewels in my apartment. It took a lot of restraint for my girlfriends and I not to wear it around while poking fun at "Corky's" chosen accessory.

As always, there needs to be a trifecta when talking great stories. This one has just recently been revealed. This boy, a "nice Jewish boy" from Connecticut, had potential. And then, on our second date, I learn not only did he once have two earrings (in one ear), he also had a nipple ring! This is strange information for me to grasp. I mean, how many men in their mid-thirties do you know, from Connecticut no less, that have had a nipple ring? He claims it was a spring break mistake. I have had spring break mistakes, but none ever involved nipple piercings.

And again my Jewish grandmothers roll over and over again, wondering the same as me, why are all these men wearing more jewelry than I?

I have met some strange boys...

After a week of no contact and then sarcasm via text messaging I am trying to figure out why I still engage with one of the strangest boys I have met thus far. Call me a sucker for a train wreck, or a glutton for an interesting story. One of the strangest boys I have met thus far, who like a magnet keeps drawing me in, despite the lack of attention sends me the following text messages.

After the basic pleasantries, he asks if we want to meet up sometime...I say sure (and here is my demonstration for being a glutton for punishment)and let him know that I am around this weekend if he is interested. The conversation...

"OK I have some time on Saturday from 10 to noon"

"R u sure you can swing it? That's my Pilates, so it won't work for me."

"Hmm. I have an opening tonight after 10?"

"Are you for real?? Looks like we are going to miss each other than. At least for now."

"Remember my neighbor Karen that you met? She just asked how you are doing and said you are cute."

"I am cute!"

And than that's it! There is nothing after that... Strangest boy ever! But yet still so strangely intrigued. Which is the best way I can put it...

Did I really make that decision... again?

What better way to recover from the new year celebration than with another night of drinking. My friend and I decided we needed a do over. So out we went on our own version on a bar crawl around the Upper East Side. Now I have been living here for over a year, but my friend just moved to the hood. So clearly, we needed to introduce her around properly.

Among those invited to the evening was one "Bad Date Bobby". I make names for past dates of mine, and "Bad Date Bobby" was amongst the first within my NYC dating experience. From time to time, "Bad Date Bobby" and I still run into each other, meet up on a platonic level, sometimes in embarrassing situations, but have kept things pretty friendly.

The night progresses with many beers and car bombs - my idea, claim to fame, and presently unfortunate point of shame... So I obviously and drunkenly invite him out. My intentions are not pure and have little anticipation of him actually coming out, but low and behold, after many texts stating "You should come here" "Come here" "Why aren't you here?" He actually came to meet up.

I had proposed the booty call months ago to "Bad Date Bobby". At the time, he lived a block away. Location is always key when exploring the concept of a booty call. I had already known at this point that he is not a good date (more info on that later)and his personality is lacking too, but there is a little something under the covers that seemed to keep my attention. Well, true to form, he's a little slow on the uptake, but followed through in the new year.

It wasn't what I remembered to say the very least, not to mention, I was privileged enough to learn things about "Bad Date Bobby" and his grooming habits this "lucky" evening. Was it essential for me to learn that he trims his underarm hair because he feels it gets "too long"? There's man-scaping and then there is too much information! He also apparently gets really long hairs growing on random parts of his body and asked me to inspect him. Mind you, it's not even 8am at this point! This bad decision couldn't end quick enough at this point. I did manage to get a good hangover breakfast and then a confused look from "Bad Date Bobby" afterwards as he asked, "what do I do now?" I explain to "Bad Date Bobby" that he goes home, pointed him in the direction of his apartment, kissed him on the cheek, and didn't look back. And so ends a bad decision, "Bad Date Bobby", and one mediocre booty call.

Text Messaging with a Leprechaun

HEY Molly! I'm back from Dublin. Man its cold here, just like home but without the snow! Should be the other way around right? So when are we meeting up again? "The Leprechaun"

Yes, he does sign his texts to me. Yes, he does text me as he is getting off a plane after being under the rainbow with a pot of gold for the past month. Back story?

He's a short little Irish man with a soul patch that I met one night out with the girls at our local steakhouse. We have never actually had the steak at this place always choosing to partake of their wine instead. This night, shots were involved. Anyway, I was planning to meet my boyfriend at the time, but he kept me waiting far too long and "The Leprechaun" was there to entertain me. He did a little jig, smiled with a twinkle in his eye, or at least that was the figment of my imagination. I followed "The Leprechaun", hoping for a little extra luck.

What I got was a sticky situation, where my then boyfriend met me just as "The Leprechaun" was leaning in to kiss me. Did I mention that "The Leprechaun" has been the closest thing to I stalker I have had in a while? We went for one drink, and I realized he is nothing more than a funny accent. However I still get his texts, and they make me think of simpler things, such as finding a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. It's just unfortunate that he is attached to it.

Getting Started....

Its a hard thing to just up and start, but that is what has brought me to New York in the first place. I up and left the life I knew, the life I thought I wanted. Although I was pushed a little, thanks to my ex, it couldn't have been better! I truly believe that life needs passion, and passion there was not. Until now...
My dad has always told me that I have some great stories that I should share with the world. He's always encouraged me to write, so here I am, a cathartic process and start of something fun and exciting in my life.
I moved back to NYC a little over a year ago and felt that since I have been lost in my life for some time, I needed to learn how to live my life again, a new life, a SINGLE life which isn't as easy as one might think...
I went back to the last time I was single, early twenties and in college. Not the smartest choice for a girl pushing thirty, but what did I care. I was new in town and looking for fun, and fun I found. Nameless, faceless, reckless fun! Once I got that out of my system, which fortunately for me (and my body) didn't last long, the real adventures come in!
This blog will explore the adventures and misadventures of the unsinkable Molly Brown, that's me.