Prince Charming

While at a charity event last week, I met a dashing young man who seemed to sweep me off my feet. It may have been the way we danced to Christmas music, or perhaps the open bar. Either way, consider me swept.

We met again at the wine bar that he works. Yes, his place of employment. He is, a restaurant professional, his words, not mine. He has dreams of being a sommelier, living in France and Italy, and one day, having his own establishment, where he can create interesting libations for all to enjoy. Did I mention that he is 25 and lives at home with his father in Long Island. Dream shattered!

However, this boy is like Bambi, looking at me with these wide eyes, head over heels for me. And I have to say, the attention is quite nice, as was the endless glass of Cava that he provided me. I allow myself to see how this could get better, if I overlook his young age, poor choice in a roommate, and love of being a glorified waiter. Then in comes a little nugget of information that he has kept from me...

He is Prince Charming! For real, back in 2003, when he was young, strapping lad out of high school, he traveled to the far away land of Orlando, where he became Prince Charming, thanks to his dashing good looks, tree-like height, and shining smile! I died laughing!

Seriously, who says you can't meet your prince charming in a city of a million people? After all these frogs that I have kissed! Sadly, something must have gotten mixed up in the department of princesses and fairies (a real department at Disney, by the way). A prince he may be, but not for me...

Letting Go...

I read someplace that the moment you are willing to walk away from what is wrong is when things start getting right. It made instant sense to me. It's not secret that it's hard for me to "walk away" from things/people/situations. I think that is why I give people more chances than they should have. Closing a door is a hard thing. What I am starting to realize is how leaving that door open, even if it's just a crack, can create so much more damage, hindering the change I know I deserve.

What I'm stuck is where to get that willingness to let go, despite the heartache and general shit that has been in my life? Talk about being self-destructive, right? It shows the vicious cycle that is the comfort in what was familiar for so long. What was my life for so many years, and now I have to let it go, knowing that if I don't, I can't move forward.

One night I was out drinking with my friends. When the end of the night came and I went to leave, and couldn't seem to push the door open (yea, I had a lot to drink that night). Makes me wonder though, if I can't push a door open, theoretically speaking, and can't shut a door, where does that leave me?

I'm going to try this whole letting go thing. I don't want to be stuck in the middle...

The best way to put it!

As a single girl in New York City, it seems almost insurmountable to find that right guy. Sometimes, it's even hard to find a guy that is bearable enough to have a few drinks with.

While chatting with a very dear friend of mine, we talked about her upcoming date with a guy she met on Match.com. I asked if she thought this date would be a good one and get the following in response.

I'm sure it will be fun! I picked a place that's close to my apartment so I can make a quick escape if need be. I mean, I don't know... I feel like until you meet the person and see how tall they are, it's like trying to find a fart in a blizzard. Impossible to know!

I was laughing so hard I almost lost it! What a great way to put it! After regaining our composure, my radiant born and raised NYC friend continued, to inform that this perspective beau is a lawyer, born and raised in NYC, "so he could be deeply disturbed as are most of the people I grew up with!" Continuing with laughter, we resigned that the world of Internet dating continues to be worth a shot. And if nothing more, a few good laughs!

Drive by dating?

Although Internet dating has become more socially acceptable, I still find issue with it, but am trying to recognize the concept as another positive way to "get yourself out there." At least this what I keep telling myself.

So in the bars, there is the pick up with intent for immediate hook up, easy thing to spot. Then, late at night, after a few too many, there is the booty call. That phone call made coupled with poor decision making, that may make you groan in a few different ways come morning. I have found, that with Internet dating, there is a combination of these two situations that seems to be more and more prevalent...

Friday evening, after a long day in jury duty (yes, jury duty), I opted to stay in, watching movies and getting so rest for the weekend ahead. I went to my new online dating profile (ugh!) where I received an instant message. I checked out the profile, a little younger than I would prefer (27), but cute! We start chatting, he tells me I'm "real pretty", asks which part of town I live in and then immediately asks to meet for "a drink or whatever tonight". I politely tell him no, that my couch and DVR are calling me, but maybe another time. He responds "whatever" and then signs off.

It was like a drive by shooting, better yet, drive by dating?!? I've heard of guys using Internet dating as an escort service, but didn't really understand how that would all play out. I guess now I do... Never a victim, always a survivor, I will live to see another day of Internet dating, if that can be considered a good thing...

Worth It ...

Women tend to be more emotional. It's a scientific fact. What frustrates me about this trait is something I find in myself often. Why don't I believe in myself enough to turn away from a guy who is not good enough for me? Why do I continue to tolerate lazy fish, poor communicators, assholes? I can continued this list, which is embarrassing. But I've been with a lot of guys who just aren't good enough. What does that say about me? How I treat myself. If I don't treat myself well, why would others?

I try and remember that I can't make a guy be something he is not. I've tried that before, it just doesn't work. I am working on channeling that energy to strengthen me, help me to stand up for myself more. I know that when the right person comes along, he's going to want to be with me, with such veracity and passion - I'll know. And he'll know I'm worth it!

The importance of confidence and a personality....

There is nothing worse then blind dates. Unfortunately, I seem to go on quite a few of them. The only thing that makes a blind date bearable is lots of vodka and a guy with confidence and personality. There wasn't enough vodka in the world to make my date tonight bearable.

Let's call him Al. A little nervous when we spoke on the phone a few nights ago. I made a joke, letting him know we can put the awkward behind us and move on with the conversation. Clearly this was a challenging task. Challenging enough that when we actually met for cocktails, even the double whiskey he ordered didn't help.

Two hours and three drinks later, I had watched this man fidgeting and eating all the sesame sticks from the bar mix, while nervously drinking his whiskey and alternating with frantic sips of water. All he talked about was how much he hates his sister and loves Brooklyn. Occasionally he would try and woo me with stories of how he creates drink recipes for fun. This was intriguing for about 5 minutes, but did not have much staying power. Which was the same for Al.

As he walked me to Union Square, I asked which way he was getting home, only to find he walked out of his way to escort me to the train. To which I responded, Really? You walked all this way for me? Well yes he replies... He looked like I had just run over his puppy dog. Clearly he thought the date was going better than I did. I thanked him for the drinks and wished him a good night.

Chivalry exists I suppose, but it's hard to notice when there is a lack of personality and confidence... And so ends another blind date in the big city!

Make it happen...

A friend of mine told me a while ago that if I guy wanted to be with me, he'd make an effort to do so. She advised that I shouldn't have to do all the work (texting, planning and so on). He should make the moves and the efforts to be with me, after all, I am worth it. Although I think this is a little old fashioned, it makes sense. Unfortunately, I feel like it's hard to find the guys who can follow through and make things happen.

I'm a fairly forgiving person, giving people more chances than they generally deserve. There is this guy that I met out. He was very attentive and seemingly motivated to hang out, texting me through the wee hours of the morning when we first met, and hoping to hang out the next day! Logistics didn't allow for this to happen, and now, three and half weeks later, with two canceled dates (on his end), does he really think he's getting another chance?

If you want to hang out with me, you find a way to make it happen, and that's that...