Taxi Cab Confessions

So as I hop in a cab from JFK, my thoughts are focused solely on getting back to my apartment. However, the cab driver had something different in mind. The Taxi Cab Confessions...

"So miss, you are single yes? Can you tell me what it is that you look for in a man?" I am thinking to myself, is this for real? What makes people just want to talk to me about these things? However, I engage, interested to see where this is going. I scratch the surface, identifying that I am not all that sure what I am looking for, but can tell you what I am not looking for... He goes into a list, alerting me of the FIVE THINGS THAT I NEED IN A MAN.

1. He must not be more than 5 years older than me, and definitely not younger.

2. We must be best friends.

3. I must be put first, then family. The relationship that is built between you and your significant other is most important. (I whole heartedly agree with this!)

4. We must do the same things, think the same way, and make the same decisions.

5. We must be able to respect each other, no matter what. Believing in each other is very important.

In addition, my very chatty cabbie read my fortune, alerting me that I will move to the suburbs one day and raise all of my children, abandoning this life in New York City (Gasp!)

You never know when there might be some interesting advice out there for you, whether you listen to it is something else entirely. Just goes to show, everyone in this city is in love with love!

Is this what dating has come down to?

So I am not an expert dater by any means. After being in a relationship for 6 years, it was a hard thing to maneuver once again. But now I am realizing that dating when you are at a certain age, is a whole other beast. Is it safe to assume that there is no such thing as casual dating anymore? What is so wrong with just dating someone, instead of checking their genetics and sizing them up for the tuxedo as they walk down that very long aisle towards eternity. Some thoughts...

What I am finding is that as I am peering down the very short road towards thirty, men are looking for one of two things, a one night stand or wife. Is there no middle ground? Example...

I started dating this guy "Corky". We met at a bar, had a fun time, and started seeing each other regularly. He was interested in "the relationship", asking me to accompany him to a wedding after only seeing each other for a few months. He also asked to be exclusive, which would have been fine, if I didn't have an anxiety attack as soon as the words left his mouth. He was also very upset that he didn't get to meet my parents when they were in town. He is a few years older than me, but I thought the message was clear, its only been a few months, I enjoy your company and that is that. What more is there when you have only been dating five months?

Well, apparently, this is where I went wrong. There was a discussion of religion, mine being Jewish, and he was Protestant (maybe, to be honest I didn't pay much attention). I remember him asking me, "What are thoughts of dating someone who wasn't Jewish?" My response? "Why are we even talking about this right now?!?" Long story short, Corky broke it off with me after the holidays, stating that he knows that he wants children and religion is important to him, therefore this will never work out, so we should break up.

Thoughts.... why are we having this conversation at five months, can't we just keep having fun? Who said anything about children? Clearly we were on different pages, but it made me think, is that what I have to deal with?

Being thirty in the city, is it all about finding a mate? Maybe because I had such a long relationship before, with the ring and the wedding gown, that I am not in that space anymore. Is it so wrong to be looking for fun first instead of a husband? Unfortunately, I don't think many of the men in NYC can see beyond the extremes - marriage or one night stand. This demonstrates complete all or nothing thinking that frustrates me and leads to believe that each date I go on, I am being judged...could this girl be my wife? No? OK than, why waste any more time, unless she is useful to satisfy my need for a one night stand...

When did it get like this?

My way the even the playing field...

Carrie was dumped via a post it...

A good friend of mine was dumped via a letter given to her door man to give to her...

I decided it was time to even the playing field, and since I had the opportunity, I seized the day!

Jason Snugglebug is a special case. We met, had margaritas, he walked me home, it was the picture of a fairly decent date. The deal breaker came later that week when he decided to join me at a charity event. He was a perfect date, once again, catering to me and all my friends, making sure our drinks were never empty and holding conversations with all. His flaw - he was over complementary. I know how it sounds, "How terrible! A guy giving too many complements?!?" At one point in the night, there were nothing but complements coming out of his mouth. "Oh my God Molly, you look so beautiful." "Oh my God, those boots are incredible!" "Oh my God, I am so lucky to be here with you tonight." I appreciate all the good words, but there comes a point where there is too much of a good thing.

Wine got the best of me that night though, and after too many drinks for a work night, I decided that the party needed to continue (of course), going out for more drinks despite the fact that the party was most definitely over. Jason Snugglebug followed me, telling me how smitten he was... over and over again.

The details that led him up to my apartment are fuzzy . I do know I woke up the next morning, dreading that I had to go to work, and very hung over. Next to me, is one Jason Snugglebug...naked. I on the other hand, am fully clothed. I look over at Jason Snugglebug and say, "Wow...what kind of party did you have with yourself last night."

"Oh my God Molly, you should stay in bed with me all day, let's just snuggle, come on....call out of work, let's snuggle!"

I couldn't make this up if I tried. Seriously, there is nothing more nauseating than waking up to that, even without the hangover. After much work, I managed to get myself together and heading off to the subway, with Jason Snugglebug by my side, sharing how much he'll miss me as he was leaving town for a Caribbean vacation with his mother (seriously!).

He has continued to call and I have continued to dodge, feeling guilty for being so harsh. Until tonight, my opportunity to let him know (via text message)that "I am just not that into him."

"Hope things r going well. Been meaning to be in touch. Things r kind of stressful and I don't have extra time in my life right now for much. It was great to meet u and I wish u all the best!"

And that's how to even the playing field!

The cross, the college ring, and the nipple ring...

Now I am a fairly simple girl. I don't require much in they way of jewelry. The only jewelry I ever wore was my engagement ring, and we all know that didn't end well. Nevertheless, I am seemingly attracting myself to various men in the city who do enjoy their own jewelry.

For starters was "Bad Date Bobby". To keep my Jewish grandmothers rolling in their graves, "Bad Date Bobby" wore a cross. Like every good Christian boy from the Midwest, he went to Christian schools and goes to church on the weekend. The interesting thing about "Bad Date Bobby" and his cross was that when "Bad Date Bobby" was doing less than holy things, the cross came off. I had never see or heard such things, but it quickly became quite the story. And apparently, another friend of mine was with a boy who did the same! What makes these actions more holy with the cross off? Hmmmm. The most tragic part of this little story is that "Bad Date Bobby" left his cross at my apartment one fateful evening. This was the unfortunate beginning of the end for "Bad Date Bobby" and I. I had to call my friend and my sister, with great trepidation, "what am I supposed to do with this cross?" I didn't even want to touch if for fear that it would burn my hand or something! This did not please "Bad Date Bobby", leading him to choose the cross over me. It happens...

Next was "Corky". "Corky", another Midwestern boy, who had a passion for show tunes and greatly enjoyed his glimmering class ring! Seriously, I couldn't make this up. "Corky" had many unfortunate components, yet we continued to date for a few months (another story for another day). The class ring was something I never understood. He has been out of college for almost 10 years and he wore it everywhere! He also left his jewels in my apartment. It took a lot of restraint for my girlfriends and I not to wear it around while poking fun at "Corky's" chosen accessory.

As always, there needs to be a trifecta when talking great stories. This one has just recently been revealed. This boy, a "nice Jewish boy" from Connecticut, had potential. And then, on our second date, I learn not only did he once have two earrings (in one ear), he also had a nipple ring! This is strange information for me to grasp. I mean, how many men in their mid-thirties do you know, from Connecticut no less, that have had a nipple ring? He claims it was a spring break mistake. I have had spring break mistakes, but none ever involved nipple piercings.

And again my Jewish grandmothers roll over and over again, wondering the same as me, why are all these men wearing more jewelry than I?

I have met some strange boys...

After a week of no contact and then sarcasm via text messaging I am trying to figure out why I still engage with one of the strangest boys I have met thus far. Call me a sucker for a train wreck, or a glutton for an interesting story. One of the strangest boys I have met thus far, who like a magnet keeps drawing me in, despite the lack of attention sends me the following text messages.

After the basic pleasantries, he asks if we want to meet up sometime...I say sure (and here is my demonstration for being a glutton for punishment)and let him know that I am around this weekend if he is interested. The conversation...

"OK I have some time on Saturday from 10 to noon"

"R u sure you can swing it? That's my Pilates, so it won't work for me."

"Hmm. I have an opening tonight after 10?"

"Are you for real?? Looks like we are going to miss each other than. At least for now."

"Remember my neighbor Karen that you met? She just asked how you are doing and said you are cute."

"I am cute!"

And than that's it! There is nothing after that... Strangest boy ever! But yet still so strangely intrigued. Which is the best way I can put it...

Did I really make that decision... again?

What better way to recover from the new year celebration than with another night of drinking. My friend and I decided we needed a do over. So out we went on our own version on a bar crawl around the Upper East Side. Now I have been living here for over a year, but my friend just moved to the hood. So clearly, we needed to introduce her around properly.

Among those invited to the evening was one "Bad Date Bobby". I make names for past dates of mine, and "Bad Date Bobby" was amongst the first within my NYC dating experience. From time to time, "Bad Date Bobby" and I still run into each other, meet up on a platonic level, sometimes in embarrassing situations, but have kept things pretty friendly.

The night progresses with many beers and car bombs - my idea, claim to fame, and presently unfortunate point of shame... So I obviously and drunkenly invite him out. My intentions are not pure and have little anticipation of him actually coming out, but low and behold, after many texts stating "You should come here" "Come here" "Why aren't you here?" He actually came to meet up.

I had proposed the booty call months ago to "Bad Date Bobby". At the time, he lived a block away. Location is always key when exploring the concept of a booty call. I had already known at this point that he is not a good date (more info on that later)and his personality is lacking too, but there is a little something under the covers that seemed to keep my attention. Well, true to form, he's a little slow on the uptake, but followed through in the new year.

It wasn't what I remembered to say the very least, not to mention, I was privileged enough to learn things about "Bad Date Bobby" and his grooming habits this "lucky" evening. Was it essential for me to learn that he trims his underarm hair because he feels it gets "too long"? There's man-scaping and then there is too much information! He also apparently gets really long hairs growing on random parts of his body and asked me to inspect him. Mind you, it's not even 8am at this point! This bad decision couldn't end quick enough at this point. I did manage to get a good hangover breakfast and then a confused look from "Bad Date Bobby" afterwards as he asked, "what do I do now?" I explain to "Bad Date Bobby" that he goes home, pointed him in the direction of his apartment, kissed him on the cheek, and didn't look back. And so ends a bad decision, "Bad Date Bobby", and one mediocre booty call.

Text Messaging with a Leprechaun

HEY Molly! I'm back from Dublin. Man its cold here, just like home but without the snow! Should be the other way around right? So when are we meeting up again? "The Leprechaun"

Yes, he does sign his texts to me. Yes, he does text me as he is getting off a plane after being under the rainbow with a pot of gold for the past month. Back story?

He's a short little Irish man with a soul patch that I met one night out with the girls at our local steakhouse. We have never actually had the steak at this place always choosing to partake of their wine instead. This night, shots were involved. Anyway, I was planning to meet my boyfriend at the time, but he kept me waiting far too long and "The Leprechaun" was there to entertain me. He did a little jig, smiled with a twinkle in his eye, or at least that was the figment of my imagination. I followed "The Leprechaun", hoping for a little extra luck.

What I got was a sticky situation, where my then boyfriend met me just as "The Leprechaun" was leaning in to kiss me. Did I mention that "The Leprechaun" has been the closest thing to I stalker I have had in a while? We went for one drink, and I realized he is nothing more than a funny accent. However I still get his texts, and they make me think of simpler things, such as finding a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. It's just unfortunate that he is attached to it.