Scumbag

As I am out the other night with friends, I met a somewhat decent guy. He was British - known now as British Dick 2 (there was an original British Dick, but that is a whole other story). The accent always throws me off and I miss characteristics that might otherwise be noticed. As he is texting another girl while talking to me, I clued in and started to check out. However, my friend was keen on his friend, so the wing man in me kept the conversation going (the flowing drinks helped too). The night ends, he asks for my number, I give it to him and head home.

Days pass, no word. I'm not all that bummed or worried, as I am recognizing there is no real loss. As I was out at an event later this week I run into him again (seriously small city!) Bored and slightly intoxicated, I text him, mentioning what a pity it is that he never called me. At this time, I'm staring right at him. He sees me and waves my friends and I over (including the same girl his friend was chatting with the other night). As I make jokes at his expense, he starts talking to my friend - whatever!

Fast forward to today, my friend tells me he texted her, getting her number from his friend. He wants to take her out for drinks, she says, "would you mind?" Seriously? You'd consider going out with him? He's no property of mine, but what a scumbag? Not sure what is worse in this whole scenario, that my friend is considering going out with this guy or that he is such a scumbag to take her out after chasing me?

There has got to be something better out there than this...

Going Green? Not for Me

There is all this talk about going green, reducing your carbon footprint, recycling and saving the world. I believe I am all for that or at least I try, I tend to get lazy. My new project, however, is NOT recycling, recognizing that it's not good for my environment, toxic even!

Now of course I'm not talking about the environment here. I'm talking about the desert that has become my dating life and dating prospects. In a city with all these men, they seem to be no where around me or not interested. Except for the ones from my past. So, like every responsible woman, I decide to recycle. Worst decision! Here's what I got from this experiment...

A lot of feelings of guilt and shame with one of the guys. After all, he left me, so clearly that makes me feel great that I'll just head back over and hang with him. Now that the guilt and shame has subsided, I get phone calls. Lots of them. Let's talk, let's catch a movie, just checking to see how you are? I'm hoping that now a week has passed, the phone calls will stop.

The next guy, this was sad, because I would really like things to work out. Unfortunately, I can't make someone into something he is not. This I have learned the hard way. From this experiment, I got a great dinner, a feeling of strength (after a few tears), and a blister. The bastard picked a place to eat that is beyond out of the way for me, and wouldn't even walk me back cross town - and I was in heels!

Then there is the last recycling project - Bad Date Bobby. Unfortunate really, for he has redeemed himself in so many ways. But what I am realizing is, once again, he can't be what I want him to be, so why keep banging my head against that wall.

As I was out this weekend, on the town with the girls, my friend made a great comment. "I'm so over all the boys in my phone." I second that! So I'm spring cleaning - letting go of all that has been toxic! Which means no more recycling. I'll be working from a clean slate, with nothing but footprints behind me, and that is perfectly fine!

You Want a Piece of Me?

I am starting to believe I am more and more unsinkable. Here's why...

As I head out with my co-worker yesterday, to guiltily soak up a little of the sunshine while we grab lunch, I realize that my cute summer bag is a little on the light side. I peer into the empty bag, well, almost empty - my granola bar was still there, I realized that there are a few things missing...

My shit got jacked at work AGAIN! Occupational hazard in working with the people that I work with. I get why someone would want my wallet. It makes the most sense. The metro card I can understand as well. What really threw me for a loop was that my makeup bag was stolen. What the hell? What is someone going to do with my makeup?!?!

I am starting to realize that I deal quite well with adversity. Shifting into survival mode or something - usually with Britney Spears playing the soundtrack in the background, like my own version of a superhero! I canceled my cards and got new ones sent out. I got a round trip metro card from the office administrator. Held in my real thoughts to my boss, which worked in my favor, allowing me to leave early and get him to pay for the stolen makeup (do you know how much that costs?)

As I walk out of my office and head back to my apartment, I managed to find a way to enjoy the gorgeous afternoon, pick up my passport, get my makeup done for me (by the lovely gay man at Sephora)and am perfectly primed for a lovely evening at the Bryant Park bar for drinks.

Was I really going to let this get me down? Absolutely not! It takes more than that...

Baggage

I found myself getting sad while watching How I Met Your Mother the other night. Great show, usually makes me laugh, this week, however, not so much. On the subject of baggage, the discussion was made that the old we get, the more likely we are to encounter a potential mate with baggage.

Feeling as though I am the queen of baggage, I get worried. I've been on dates, judging others for their shit. No significant relationship, no hair, mommy issues, and physical deformities to name a few. But am I being judged as well? Where does that leave me? I can't change what I carry with me, despite my best efforts. I have moved on from it, but its like that crazy STD that just won't go away!

The question becomes, do I have to find someone with more baggage than me? Because that would really suck! Then I'd be looking down the suburban driveway of a balding divorcee, as he drops his kids back off with their mother. I'm thinking that there has got to be something better than that!

As I chat about this with friends, it's determined that it is best not to settle, which can get hard, sitting with all that discomfort, and receding hairlines!

Is it Luck?

As I was out to dinner the other night with a friend, I realized that is hard to be a single girl in NYC. I know, so cliche, right? It's not that kind of story. We were chatting, talking strategy I guess. Trying to make each other feel better?

She calls her Internet dating a collection of blind dates. Apparently it's a more user friendly term for her. I call my Internet dating a disaster. No better way to put it. After war stories of bad dates and bad decisions, we trade stories about our recent outings with girlfriends. She talks of her roommate, who has been single for less than a second, with three dates lined up, after a night on the town without even brushing her hair. I shared my stories of being the only one not talked to an an event the other night, or at least not talked to by anyone good. Meanwhile, my friend who has been single for less than a minute, managed to find a guy and go on a date with him - that night. Me? I went home after a night of free martinis which led to free beer, alone, waking up with a hangover, and a bad taste in my mouth (the drunk dials that I had made didn't help either).

So I'm going to try a new strategy, which simply put, includes not trying at all. Having fun! Respecting myself! Not drinking to excess would be helpful too (no one likes a mess)! I've started working on this already and it's been great! I might not have the exciting stories of a reckless night out, but I don't have the bad dates or bad memories to deal with either.

Its a small city, despite the hype. There is a guy out there for me, and man, is he going to be excited to find me...

WANTED...

After dealing with total hell thanks to a computer virus and a defunct modem, I realized that the best date that I have had in a while was with Kel, the computer tech in India via Dell Technical Support. Sad but true, after 4 hours on the phone, I felt a connection, he could feel my pain, and was not only eager but willing to assist me. What more could a girl want, right? Except many a man in NYC instead of India? As I am throwing a tantrum and feeling utterly helpless, surrounded by a box that may the router or may be the modem, I start thinking of the perfect want ad...

A man who knows how to scan my computer and keep it from getting every bad virus know to man, despite the fact that I hardly ever use the damn thing.

A man who knows how to use my drill, and figure out how to secure the molly's, because despite my trying, I can't.

A man with who can handle my freak outs when I am sitting on the floor frustrated with tools all around me and a headache from trying to get an understanding of things that I have no idea about.

A man who is not going to remind me how easy these tasks are.

After thinking about how I should find a man who can do this all for me, I remember the sweet broken English of my man Kel, and my own capabilities. Despite the fact that I lost many hours of my life, which I can never get back, I took care of my business, and didn't need a man to do it for me! Besides Kel that is. So at the end of the day, I am working hard to want myself, and all that I know I am capable of! After all, do I really need to know the difference between a modem or a router?

Poppa

My grandfather is 93 years old. Most of the time, he can't hear anything. Our conversations include how's my apartment, how's my job, and the Red Sox or Patriots (depending on the season). However this weekend, while I was home, for the first time in six months, he switched the conversation up, to something I could have never expected.

He started off with the regular discussion, and I scream him my responses, expecting him to hear about half of what I am saying. Switching it up, he asks me if I have made any friends since moving back to New York. I tell him about the great group of friends I have in my life, thankfully. He probes further, "any special friends?"

I blush. Is this conversation really happening? I tell him that I am dating again, but no one special. He says he heard something from my aunt about a doctor. "What has happened with that?" Further embarrassment! Yea, that didn't work out. He continues to share just how happy that I am "getting back out there." Letting me know that he has no doubt I will meet that special someone and soon!

Really interested in continuing the conversation, he asks about the dates. Where they are from? If they are Jewish? What they do for work? He tells me that he would happy with anything and anyone I bring home. So long as I don't bring home a Black man. That, he tells me, he just won't tolerate!

"Could you do that for me Tootsie?"

What do you say to that? The man is 93 years old. Sure, Poppa, I'll try my best...

Compliments

I've never been very good with compliments. I need to learn to be gracious and appreciate these gems, and am beginning to think I have an idea as to why this is so challenging for me.

In my line of work, I meet a motley crew of individuals who have always have a comment or two towards me, most are not very kind, however, every so often, I get blown away - as I did today.

I get a frantic call from an intoxicated patient in crisis. As he is telling me the unfortunate things he plans to do to himself, I keep him on the phone until help arrives. He tells me how smart he is, how powerful he is, and he plans to leave his fiance. He asks if we can go to dinner, if we can be friends? He tells me that I am "very sane and very good looking." As he is being taken away by men in white coats, so to speak, his fiance is cursing at him and he is screaming my name, wistfully asking me to "come visit him."

Is it sad that this is the best compliment I have gotten in a while? And maybe even worse that I was flattered?

What to do when they don't get the hint and you can't stop...

I have a dilemma of sorts. A few weeks ago, a recent ex resurfaced. He calls me after breaking up with me over the holidays, becuase of our different religions. Completely floored, I'm wondering, "What could he possibly want?" After all, it's not like in the past five months I have changed religions. He tells me that he acted prematurely, that he missed me, and realized how great I was, which I translate to there were no other girls as great as me...

We meet up. MISTAKE. Make an even bigger mistake. REGRET. I tell him there is no need for him to be in my life, after all, I didn't really like him all that much during the time we dated. He was comfortable, reliable, dependable, and gives me the attention I crave.

He didn't enjoy this conversation, stating his disagreement with my feelings, but told he me will respect my wishes. That lasted two weeks. I'm still getting calls, texts, and emails. The unfortunate thing is, that I can't seem to shut this guy off. I keep engaging! Why can't he just get the hint, because with the draught I am in, the attention is warmer than the May weather and I'm a sucker for the sunshine...