An excerpt into my two dates this week - Jewish Lawyer Number One and Jewish Lawyer Number Two...
Jewish Lawyer Number One... good breeding, good education, good pictures posted on his online dating profile. How could I have been duped so easily?!?! Reality check. 20 pounds heavier than his pictures and at least two inches shorter than he admitted (which isn't good for a girl as tall as me - especially when I am wearing heels!) He was dressed like a substitute teacher and changed the bar we were supposed to meet at because "it was too dark." Although I was somewhat entertained thanks to his story about a blind date with a midget and numerous glasses of wine, the date was less than spectacular. He spent a great amount of time talking of his desire for tattoos and the two motor cycles that he owns. What nice Jewish boy wants tattoos and has motorcycles? The other problem was I was starving! A granola bar is not a proper dinner! And to make matters worse, there was the most gorgeous leg of prosciutto behind his head, which apparently I was fixated on, because many a comment was made as to why I was looking at the pork product instead of him... Oops! Hours pass and the date comes to an end. We are down in So Ho, and I live all the way uptown. The lawyer however is from Jersey (gasp!!) and had driven to our date. As he asks how I am getting home, I contemplate between a cab and the subway. He generously offers to drive me home. I think about the polite response, knowing it is clearly out of his way but recognize that there is no way I should turn down a ride back to my apartment in the cold winter weather. He replies, "Really?" to which I respond, don't offer if you aren't willing to follow through. I leave the car knowing that the door is closed on lawyer number one, and preparation for lawyer number two begins...
Lawyer Number Two was a date that should have never happened. I wasn't all that jazzed by his profile, but figured, how bad could it be? Once again, how could I have been so stupid? His email to me was a novel, sharing the following...
"It sounds like we have a lot in common. Grew up on an island: check. Work with people who need to see a therapist: check. Sarcastic, smart, interesting, pretty funny and an aficionado of all things "good"? Check and check! :) Actually, I get the feeling that the potential is there for us to get along famously (check marks will be flying!)."
I should have known better, but am, if nothing else, a glutton for punishment. As I am waiting at the restaurant for the lawyer to arrive, I see a balding man (who is trying to pretend that it does not exist - so sad!) walking in... yes, this is my date. I contemplate an escape route and see that this would be impossible! I'm locked in. He chooses Japanese BBQ which was a positive choice - cooking the food at the table kept me more entertained than he could. He shared about his boring job in corporate finance and about his life on Long Island. He talked endlessly of his parents, who he hangs out with every weekend, likening their relationship to the Three Musketeers. Good times, really, total selling point! As the discussion starts to dwindle and there isn't enough wine in the world to make things better, I ask about his hobbies. Yes, I said the word hobbies. He talks about golf, and how much he enjoys it, following up with "don't worry, I'll teach you." Oh you will, huh...I don't think so. I couldn't run from the restaurant fast enough. Although he had high hopes to continue the evening with a walk to the subway, I ran to closest bus and bid him adieu, ending the string of bad lawyer dates for the week, thankfully!
As far as the state of dating goes, this week was not the best. After some careful thought, a little self pity (seriously? this is what my life has become?), many drinks, one chick flick, and a great night out, I'm ready for more. Two bad Jewish lawyers will not get me down. I've been through worse and can always do better!
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